My Toxic Trait......

Hi Angels 

If you have been following my socials you will know that the past few days have not been great for me!

The Universe was definitely testing me.....

In 3 days I had a flat tyre (mid rush hour), Then the next day when I started my jeep it went 'Bang' and then that night I woke up to a burst pipe in my house!

There was a few tears I am not going to lie..... but on reflection when I look back and and switched from 'Why is this happening me'? to 'What is this teaching me?' I came to the conclusion that the most uncomfortable aspect for me was ASKING FOR HELP!

I am and always have been a very Independent person and the 2 things that tend to give me independence but also safety are 1) My house 2) My car

In the whole grand scheme of things these are 2 material things that emotionally cannot give me anything but where important goals in my life for me to achieve hence why there is such an attachment. 

Furthermore ADULTING can be painful, but that is life! When you want to have nice things and then they break there is always a COST whether its your time, energy, money or in my case this week TEARS lol

Where does my toxic trait come from?

On hindsight I would say this is mainly my childhood where I had to learn to self soothe and also from many many times in my life where I have been let down so it was just easier to have the 'I will do it myself' approach' 

I have so many people around me who want to help and who would help me in a heartbeat. Healing and growth is life long and when triggers happen your 'old story' is always going to want to pull you back' and as I always say SELF AWARENESS is a great master.

More importantly I know that I have the courage to face whatever life throws at me.....REGARDLESS of what it is! I am in control and I am in control of my thoughts and my actions.

Of course I took my self down the road of 'why me' and thinking of the worst case scenarios but I was able to take my power back within a short space of time, RESET and move forward.

This is life, it is up and downs!

Many years as a nurse has also taught me that I can deal with most CRISIS situations and one of my top tier skills is finding a SOLUTION for the PROBLEM! Again sometimes this can also be to my detriment!

My advice to you....

When things happen in your life and things are not going the way you want them to sometimes you have to step back and ask yourself:

1) What is this teaching me?

2)What facts do I know right now in this present moment?

3)What can I do NOW?

Asking for help may always be uncomfortable for me but I know that with 'self awareness' going forward I will be able to continue LEAN IN to this and not RUN away from it. Furthermore 'WHO AM I NOW SITTING HERE WITHOUT ANY MATERIAL THINGS' 'HOW DO I FEEL' 'IS MY ATTACHMENT TO THESE THINGS HOLDING ME BACK.....'

Remember PROGRESS not Perfection :)

Love 

Sarah Jayne x